I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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