Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
