alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize