my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
