A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
