I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
