How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
