The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize