She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
