Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
