Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
