I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
