I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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