Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
