Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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