I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
