Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
