Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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