What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
