I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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