He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
