alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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