Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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