Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
