I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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