Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
