he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
