im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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