I want you more than these girls want KFC
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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