I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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