I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
