I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
