Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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