She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
