Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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