he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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