My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
