There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
