the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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