I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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