Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
