Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
