i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
