He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want a musical about memes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
