i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
