Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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