those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
