Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
