why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
