At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize