i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
