I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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