remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
