Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
