So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
