I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
