Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
