When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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