Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
