I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
