I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
