nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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