Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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