Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
