Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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